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$xhtml = array(
	'<{title}>' => 'No hope in prayer',
	'takedown' => '2017-11-01',
	'<{body}>' => <<<END
<img src="/img/CC_BY-SA_4.0/y.st./weblog/2019/04/18.jpg" alt="Construction" class="framed-centred-image" width="800" height="480"/>
<section id="religion">
	<h2>Religion</h2>
	<p>
		Another missionary has dropped from the pair that visit me, having been transferred elsewhere.
		A new one has taken their place.
		I&apos;ve been careful not to mention my vasectomy since the last switch-up just for when this switch-up would eventually happen.
		I needed to make it clear before what was going to happen so I could get their religion-based perspective on it, but at this point, it&apos;s no longer relevant, as it&apos;s already over, and I&apos;d like to mostly keep it to myself.
		It&apos;s entirely possible that this information has been passed between missionaries as they&apos;ve handed my case off, but it&apos;s also possible that it&apos;s now under wraps.
		The made it clear today that they do discuss me though.
		One missionary leaves, then the remaining one fills in the new one on my case.
	</p>
	<p>
		Anyway, we discussed praying for comfort, as well as receiving revaluation.
		It seems that comfort may not be what it says on the tin.
		I&apos;ve viewed praying for comfort as a counterproductive and very negative thing.
		On the one hand, your prayer might not be answered.
		In that case, what have you gained?
		On the other hand, your prayer might get answered.
		In that case, you get comfort in your current situation, when <strong>*discomfort*</strong> is what&apos;s more likely to spur you into fixing the actual problem.
		It&apos;s <strong>*discomfort*</strong> in this case that is the better thing to have.
		However, the new missionary had a new take on things.
		It&apos;s always interesting when they tag in a new missionary, as while they&apos;re all sort of preaching the same thing, the church seems to be such that just about anything can be interpreted as being inspired by the godhead.
		That means that each missionary&apos;s personality and personal history factor into their take on the religion.
		I expressed my concerns about praying for comfort doing more harm than good, and they told me that the godhead doesn&apos;t do bandage-like treatment of ailments.
		They actually fix problems.
		They said the comfort doesn&apos;t come despite the problem, but through fixing of the root cause of the discomfort; through fixing of the problem itself.
		Praying for comfort thus doesn&apos;t result in the complacency I&apos;d feared it did.
		Still, it seems like when praying, one should be clear in their intentions.
		Praying for comfort isn&apos;t as clear as praying for the problem to be solved.
		Say what you&apos;re after.
		Don&apos;t beat around the bush.
		If it&apos;s the comfort of having the problem gone that you seek, by all means, pray for comfort.
		But if you&apos;d rather have the problem gone, that&apos;s what you should pray for.
		They did try again to get me to prey for comfort though.
		Supposedly, once you receive said comfort, you can use said feeling as a reference to know what comfort sent by the Holy Ghost feels like, and start using that to decode what other feelings came from the Holy Ghost.
		It&apos;s either a feeling sent or an action performed though.
		Which is it?
		If it&apos;s a feeling, it&apos;s counterproductive, and if it&apos;s an action, there&apos;s no need for interpretation and no feeling to decode.
	</p>
	<p>
		Another thing they said to pray for is the strength to endure long enough for a prayer to be answered.
		Um.
		What?
		So ... you pray to receive strength so you can wait longer for an actual prayer answer, but to receive the strength you asked for would be an answer to prayer.
		That either means you&apos;ve got to wait for the strength like you would any other answer to prayer, or the strength comes right away meaning that you&apos;re receiving answer to prayer right away and should have just prayed for the main thing you were after.
		It doesn&apos;t make any sense.
		The missionaries didn&apos;t really have a response to that.
	</p>
	<p>
		The new missionary also told me that perhaps the censorship I&apos;ve been praying about as of late is a trial sent by the godhead, and that I&apos;ve just got to work through it.
		It might not be possible to convince the godhead to help me.
		If I prayed for strength to get through this issue, it&apos;d be a bandage.
		It wouldn&apos;t be an actual fix.
		Which means that&apos;s not going to work, either because the godhead doesn&apos;t operate that way or because that&apos;s not at all the solution I seek.
		So if the godhead doesn&apos;t feel like removing the censorship because it&apos;s some sort of trial I&apos;m meant to go through, they&apos;re of no help with the situation whatsoever.
	</p>
	<p>
		The new missionary seems convinced that the notes I take during our sessions are direct messages from the godhead.
		They also seem convinced that the godhead speaks to me through my journal.
		That&apos;s rather interesting on one level, and rather saddening on another.
		The first thought that came to my mind was the interest.
		My journal disclaims the existence of the godhead rather heavily.
		I try to make contact, partly as an experiment and partly to say I have when the missionaries come back next time.
		I&apos;m hearing them out because I want to learn what people believe in, not because I believe in it myself.
		They know I&apos;m an atheist, they just think they can convert me.
		I&apos;m not convinced though, and all evidence tells me that what these people believe in is ludicrous.
		If the godhead is speaking to me through my journal, they&apos;re telling me that they don&apos;t exist!
		The sad part didn&apos;t strike me until later.
		My journal is my voice.
		It&apos;s the truest and purest version of my voice I have.
		If someone is choosing my words for me so as to speak to me through my journal, it means that my voice isn&apos;t even my own.
		How incredibly disheartening such a reality would be.
	</p>
	<p>
		The new missionary told me a story about a series of whims they&apos;d had when out driving with one of their old mission partners.
		The whims led them seemingly nowhere particularly important, and didn&apos;t seem to be inspired by the godhead.
		They were just whims.
		That is, until the end of the journey, when they were brought to someone that had already been studying the church and wanted to become a member.
		The the missionary and their partner believed those whims had been a bread crumb trail left by the godhead and that they&apos;d been led exactly where they needed to be.
		And I think they said that within a week, the prospective member had been baptised.
		The moral they attributed to the story is that you should follow your feelings and whims, no matter how silly they seem.
		They used the word &quot;silly&quot; even, that&apos;s not my interpretation of what they&apos;d said.
		Such whims, they said, are often messages from the godhead.
		They said I should act on my feelings, and especially do so if it scares me.
	</p>
	<p>
		Previously, the missionaries had told me they had a series of lessons, but that plan seems to have gotten derailed.
		We started discussing other things, and never got back to the lessons.
		Now that both missionaries from the pair have been swapped out, it seems we&apos;re getting back on track.
		They want to get back to the lessons starting with our next meeting.
		Perfect.
		I actually tried for a while to avoid derailing the plan further, but in time, I guess I sort of forgot there even was I lesson plan.
		I&apos;m glad to get back to covering what was initially intended.
		I was curious about that until I got too distracted to recall.
		With them setting up a plan to get back to the lessons, I took the opportunity to ask what the lessons even are.
		With the list, I have a better roadmap to know when I&apos;ve actually learned what they intend to teach and know when I (or they) have managed to derail things again.
		There are five lessons, and they focus on the following topics:
	</p>
	<ol start="0">
		<li>
			The restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ
		</li>
		<li>
			The plan of salvation
		</li>
		<li>
			The gospel of Jesus Christ
		</li>
		<li>
			The commandments
		</li>
		<li>
			Laws and ordinances
		</li>
	</ol>
	<p>
		From the sounds of it, these lessons are ordered.
		Like, the missionary actually numbered them for me, though the numbers they used were one higher than the ones I&apos;m using here.
		Sue me.
		I&apos;m a computer scientist.
		I index from zero, not one.
		Anyway, I think we covered the restoration of the gospel before?
		Sort of?
		I&apos;ve got further questions at this point though.
		I&apos;m told the Book of Mormon contains the &quot;fullness of the gospel&quot;.
		What does that even mean?
		Does the bible also contain the &quot;fullness of the gospel&quot;?
		If not, why does the Book of Mormon have this but not the bible?
		Supposedly, they&apos;re both partial accounts of history with the godhead.
		The Book of Mormon isn&apos;t a stand-alone set of scriptures that replaces or displaces the bible.
		It merely augments it or adds to it.
		I guess I have questions about the plan of salvation, too, which I know we covered.
		Like, it&apos;s a pretty messed-up plan, if you actually look at it.
		I can&apos;t see how it could possibly be valid.
		I think we started talking about the gospel, lesson two in the list, but didn&apos;t really get very far on that one.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="prayer">
	<h2>Prayer impressions log</h2>
	<p>
		Today&apos;s morning prayer was made with the missionaries before they left, which means no silent contemplation afterwards (as we say our goodbyes and schedule our next meeting).
		After what we&apos;d talked about, I left out the request for the censorship at the school to end.
		I merely prayed thanking the godhead for having the missionaries come by and asked for a sign of the existence of the godhead.
	</p>
	<p>
		After returning home from the $a[EUGLUG] meeting, I prayed again asking for a sign of the godhead&apos;s existence, and said that with the conflicting ideas about what I&apos;m supposed to do to receive a sign, I&apos;m just not sure what&apos;s expected of me.
		All I saw in my head in return was pads of paper and coins.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="cafe">
	<h2>Dropping by the café</h2>
	<p>
		After meeting with the missionaries, I had this nagging desire to drop by my favourite café.
		I ignored it for a bit.
		It&apos;s a bit expensive, especially because I tip decently well.
		I work minimum wage, so I don&apos;t usually tip, but I make an exception for this particular café, due to its vegan menu.
		The waiters are a part of what keeps this café up and running, so I like to encourage them to keep doing so.
	</p>
	<p>
		Anyway, I kept pushing away thoughts of dropping by the café, but they kept coming back, and the missionaries had said I should follow such whims, as they were messages from Jesus.
		Was this a message from Jesus?
		No.
		Of course not.
		But I gave in anyway.
		What kind of scientist would I be if I didn&apos;t try giving what they said a chance?
		Besides, I had an enjoyable meal, even if nothing god-inspired happened there.
	</p>
	<p>
		Usually, I get a sandwich of some sort, but the menu at the new Springfield branch is a bit limited (the main branch is in Eugene), given that they&apos;re still setting things up.
		I wanted to try something new, and with no sandwiches I hadn&apos;t tried that looked good, I instead went for the andouille, macaroni, and kale dish.
		It was interesting, and definitely worth the trip.
		I enjoyed it, though it was a bit too spicy for me to get often.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="drudgery">
	<h2>Drudgery</h2>
	<p>
		My discussion post for the day:
	</p>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			It&apos;s kind of funny.
			In my other course last week, we discussed consistency issues related to multi-threaded applications.
			The need for atomicity in regards to sets of instructions run on a processor, and locking out other threads from touching the related memory addresses in the mean time.
			Now we&apos;re discussing something similar in this course, but instead in regards to sets of database updates.
			In threads, the entire set of instructions needs to be executed as a unit.
			In databases, the entire set of instructions needs to be not only executed as a unit, but also rolled back in the case that one of the instructions fails.
		</p>
		<h3>Active</h3>
		<p>
			The active state is used during processing of the transaction.
			Each database instruction is run, one after another, until either an error is encountered or all the instructions have been run.
			If the active state is ended by an error, the process enters the failed state.
			If it instead is ended by the completion of the final instruction, it instead enters the partly-committed state <a href="https://my.uopeople.edu/pluginfile.php/476000/mod_book/chapter/187010/Database%20System%20Concepts%204th%20Edition%20By%20Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan.pdf">(Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan, 2001)</a>.
		</p>
		<p>
			For example, as I post this to the discussion board, the text I&apos;ve written will need to be added to the university&apos;s database.
			A row will need to be added to the table of posts relating to this thread (or more likely, a table containing the posts of all the threads of the school), but maybe there&apos;s another table that tracks things in need of grading.
			That table may also need a row added.
			However, it would be bad if there existed an item in the table of gradables without there being a post to correspond to it.
			I&apos;d get a zero on a non-existent submission, lowering my grade for no reason!
			Likewise, it&apos;d be bad if this post existed on the forum but wasn&apos;t on the list of gradables.
			No matter how good or bad the post was, it wouldn&apos;t help or harm my grade.
			Adding to both hypothetical tables (the university no doubt has a different system than this) need to be done atomically.
			Adding to both tables would be done in a single transaction, and done during that transaction&apos;s active state.
		</p>
		<h3>Partly committed</h3>
		<p>
			When an active-state transaction finishes all its database commands successfully, it enters the partly-committed sate.
			In this state, it writes the information needed to recreate the results of this transaction even after hardware or other failure.
			If this information is successfully written, the transaction enters the committed state.
			If there&apos;s an error in writing this data, the process instead enters the failed state <a href="https://my.uopeople.edu/pluginfile.php/476000/mod_book/chapter/187010/Database%20System%20Concepts%204th%20Edition%20By%20Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan.pdf">(Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan, 2001)</a>.
		</p>
		<p>
			In our example, if adding my post to both tables is successful, the transaction will enter the partly-committed state as it makes my post&apos;s place in the database (mostly) permanent.
		</p>
		<h3>Failed</h3>
		<p>
			In the failed state, changes made are rolled back.
			This brings the database back into a consistent state.
			From there, the process enters the aborted state <a href="https://my.uopeople.edu/pluginfile.php/476000/mod_book/chapter/187010/Database%20System%20Concepts%204th%20Edition%20By%20Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan.pdf">(Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan, 2001)</a>.
		</p>
		<p>
			If something goes wrong while adding my post to the database, such as a power outage or some bad code in a new update to the university&apos;s system, the transaction would enter the failed state.
			Likewise, if adding my post to the database was successful but committing the database change was unsuccessful, the process would enter the failed state as well.
			Either way, any changes made to the database would be rolled back, then the aborted state entered.
		</p>
		<h3>Aborted</h3>
		<p>
			In the aborted state, the database system can either try the transaction again (as a new transaction) or end the transaction entirely.
			If the process failed due to logical error, retrying it would be pointless.
			It&apos;d only fail again, so the transaction is simply killed.
			From the way the book makes it sound though, a transaction that was aborted due to hardware failure will usually be attempted again <a href="https://my.uopeople.edu/pluginfile.php/476000/mod_book/chapter/187010/Database%20System%20Concepts%204th%20Edition%20By%20Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan.pdf">(Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan, 2001)</a>.
		</p>
		<p>
			What would happen to my post in the aborted state would likely depend on the circumstances leading to the abort.
			If the university pushed a bad website update to the live server, my post would disappear.
			I&apos;d need to post again.
			After all, retrying the same transaction again would end in failure again due to broken code logic, so what&apos;s the point in the system trying again?
			That said, when I tried to post again, I&apos;d run across the same error.
			If instead, there was some sort of electrical issue, the system might try the transaction again.
			Or rather, it might try a copy of the transaction.
			It might not though, and I might still need to try posting again.
		</p>
		<h3>Committed</h3>
		<p>
			In the committed state, the effects of the transaction are believed to be permanent.
			Obviously, a second transaction performing the inverse process could effectively &quot;undo&quot; the first, but the database has settled to a stable and consistent state, and other transactions can safely be processed <a href="https://my.uopeople.edu/pluginfile.php/476000/mod_book/chapter/187010/Database%20System%20Concepts%204th%20Edition%20By%20Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan.pdf">(Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan, 2001)</a>.
		</p>
		<p>
			Once committed, the transaction is complete and its effects are visible to everyone else using the database.
			The fact that you&apos;re reading this now means that the transaction handling the addition of this post to the board must have entered the committed state.
		</p>
		<h3>Clarification on the learning journal assignment?</h3>
		<p>
			The learning journal assignment this week tells us to discuss Microsoft-based backup/restore software, either from &quot;one of the websites&quot; or from our own experience.
			One of <strong>*what*</strong> websites?
			No websites are mentioned.
			I can&apos;t go with the from-experience option, as I&apos;m not a Windows user.
			I don&apos;t have any experience with Microsoft-based backup/restore utilities.
			I have experience with a couple Linux-based backup/restore utilities, but the learning journal assignment tacks on the &quot;Microsoft&quot; qualifier.
			For some reason, the topic is Microsoft-specific.
		</p>
		<div class="APA_references">
			<h3>References:</h3>
			<p>
				Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan. (2001). <a href="https://my.uopeople.edu/pluginfile.php/476000/mod_book/chapter/187010/Database%20System%20Concepts%204th%20Edition%20By%20Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan.pdf">Database System Concepts, Fourth Edition</a>. Retrieved from <code>https://my.uopeople.edu/pluginfile.php/476000/mod_book/chapter/187010/Database%20System%20Concepts%204th%20Edition%20By%20Silberschatz-Korth-Sudarshan.pdf</code>
			</p>
		</div>
	</blockquote>
	<p>
		As mentioned at the end of my discussion post, there&apos;s a clarity issue with the learning journal assignment this week.
		I actually completed the learning journal assignment before writing up my post, though I wrote about Linux-based backup/restore software instead of Microsoft-based software.
		How much I have to rewrite my post depends on the response to this question I posted, or if I even get a response from the professor.
	</p>
	<p>
		I started work on my discussion post for my other course.
		We had to find a paper from a noxious website to cite.
		I ended up writing a disclaimer for the beginning of my discussion post, but it ended up being irrelevant so I had to leave it out.
		I got a lot of venting out in that short paragraph though, so I hate to throw it out.
		I&apos;ll keep it here in my journal, instead.
		It was going to be as follows:
	</p>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			<strong>*DISCLAIMER*:</strong> My having chosen an article from one of the listed sites should not be taken as an enforcement of that site.
			All four of the sites we&apos;re allowed to use to find an article from for the purposes of this discussion keep their articles behind noxious login walls, and as such, I cannot endorse any of them.
			There is absolutely zero valid reason to demand users register an account (or even log into an existing account) in order to read public information.
			Requiring logging in to restrict access of privileged information to specific, known users is one thing.
			Requiring logins in order to access unrestricted information (which can only be the case when you&apos;re allowing all new accounts to access the information) on the other hand is reprehensible.
			The only purpose it can possibly serve is to help the site get data out of you.
			Personally, I gave the site bogus information, and I <strong>*highly*</strong> recommend you do the same to access the article, even if you&apos;ve already got an account, so as to prevent them from noxiously tracking your reading habits.
			It serves them right.
			Anyway, without further ado ...
		</p>
	</blockquote>
	<p>
		After finding a paper, and finding it to be short, I moved on to grading last week&apos;s work.
		The rubric asks whether we&apos;ve cited our sources, but we were told to build a database diagram.
		There are no sources to cite, as we didn&apos;t take information from anywhere.
		Furthermore, the assignment instructions didn&apos;t mention anything about sources.
		It&apos;d be nice if the school&apos;s grading rubrics matched their assignment instructions better.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="legs">
	<h2>Leg strength</h2>
	<p>
		I&apos;d already hoped to try to make it to the $a[EUGLUG] meeting today.
		I was reluctant to push my legs so soon, with them still being tired, but at the same time, I wanted to get a photo out of town today.
		I also thought it might be a bad idea to give my legs <strong>*too*</strong> much of a rest.
		I want my energy restored, but I don&apos;t want atrophy.
		I don&apos;t want to lose the strength I&apos;ve built up.
		What really sent me over the edge though was Summer.
		The pattern seems to be that she usually comes when she thinks I won&apos;t be there.
		I&apos;m not there on Thursday nights, so on the odd occasion that I <strong>*am*</strong> there on a Thursday night, she tends to show up.
		I don&apos;t want to see her, and this was the perfect excuse not to be there.
	</p>
	<p>
		I was a bit afraid that my legs weren&apos;t ready for the trip, I might not make it, and I&apos;d be in for a lot of pain.
		This wasn&apos;t a huge concern, and I was prepared to turn back if it got too difficult.
		But the missionaries wanted me to jump on feelings, especially if they scared me.
		While not a huge fear, I did feel I didn&apos;t want to be at home tonight.
		So I went.
	</p>
	<p>
		I won&apos;t lie, my legs definitely aren&apos;t up to full strength again yet.
		At the steepest part of the trip, I had to get off the bike and walk.
		However, I made it up all the rest of the hills, and wasn&apos;t terribly tired by the time I reached my destination.
		Having a week off from long trips was probably necessary, but a second week off isn&apos;t going to be necessary at all.
		By the time I arrived back home, my knees were a bit sore, but nothing that isn&apos;t manageable.
		I&apos;m likely not going to have to bike to Eugene for almost a week, 
	</p>
</section>
END
);
